the missing keys crisis of 2009.

It was too good to be true…

A peaceful morning.  The kids were ready ten minutes early and I even got Craig to brush his hair with the dog’s brush without him even noticing… [these kinds of small victories keep me going].  The problem started with the fact that Marc [the father] drove the car I usually take the kids to school with to the train station.  This happens every once in a while; Barbara [the mom] drops the kids and me off at the station and we pick up the car and start the day from there.  But not this morning…

– Are we all ready to go?  Barbara squawks.  [okay, I’m not being mean… I’m trying to be descriptive for story-telling purposes… the woman squawks like you can imagine a very Scottish bird would.]

– Yep.  Barbara do you have my keys to the Toyota?  They’re not on the sill.

– No.  Where did you put them?

– I put them on the sill every day… They’re not there.

This went on for a couple more minutes before we figured out that Marc must have taken my keys.  Barbara begins to FLIP OUT.  She went off her handle!  Like worse than I’ve ever seen before!  She started tearing through the house looking for Marc’s set of keys and cursing Marc’s name left and right.  The funniest part of these next ten minutes is that the kids went ahead and got in the car before we realized we didn’t have the keys and so they’re just sitting in the car… for literally ten minutes before Hazel comes in and says…

– Is everything alright??

– Well, your FATHER took both sets of keys and now the car is going to get $180 ticket and I’ll have to take you to school because Rachel isn’t insured to drive my car and your father won’t answer his phone and he is just absolutely worthless!  So, yeah, Hazel… Everything’s peachy!

Craig enters.

– Why haven’t we left?

Barbara literally explodes… Okay, well not literally…

I continue to help looking for a spare key and don’t find much but I do almost loose my head when I find a pair of shoes, a disc of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and a HALF FULL cup of noodles underneath the couch.  [this is the family that i work for.]  Barbara continues to freak out about the keys with a fury I’ve only ever heard about from my Old Testament professors…

– Rachel, I’m telling you, don’t ever get married!  It’s just not worth it!

Really, Barb?  Really?  So, if I find the love of my life, I should just let him keep on keepin’ on cuz he might loose the car keys one day?  Really?  You’re regretful of your marriage because of this?  I won’t go into how many times more she told me not to ever get married and all the details of why it’s just not worth it… But I will tell you that she made no valid points.

So the whole thing was stressful but just kind of amusing for me until…

– Well, I’m just going to have to stay home from work today!  There’s no point in me going into work if I’m going to have to pick the children up from school!

[this immediately goes through my head] NOOOOOOO! [rampant search-mode begins] We will FIND those keys!  Hell, I will MAKE keys to drive that car!  Please Barbara, don’t stay home!  Please!  …I swear that the delusion that I could actually MAKE keys really did come over me.  This must have been the closest to legitimately crazy I’ve ever been… I really believed I would will keys into being that could drive that car.

We never found the keys.  And, turns out, I can’t make keys.  So Barbara took the kids to school and then stayed home and made me search for keys more and continued to tell me how worthless husbands are.  She also made me come on an errand-running expedition with her between my ironing and vacuuming… that was fun.

All in all, a normal day at the Vincent household.

1 thought on “the missing keys crisis of 2009.”

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