healthy cupcakes and rabies in yo mouth.

The one, and only, downside about leaving the Vincents is that my post are about to get more boring. These people are char-ac-ters. Here are a couple slices from normal interactions with the kids:

Hazel wanted to make the cupcakes from the mix that I bought and haven’t made yet. “Sure,” I told her. Since I’m about to leave this place, I don’t mind at all if she makes it… I’m not taking it with me… and maybe she’ll let me eat one… maybe. Hazel is ON A DIET. [please reference “the chocolate sauce crisis of 2009“.] So even though she’s “on a diet”, there’s no surprise to me that she’s making cupcakes. Her parents, on the other hand, are very curious why in the world she’s doing this. This could very well stem from the fact that she’s in the kitchen for more than 20 seconds… but they ask questions about her “diet”. Barbara first:

– Hazel, I thought you were on a diet.

– Oh, yeah, no these are healthy cupcakes.

Wait. What?

– Yeah, they only have eggs, milk and margarine in them.

HAHA! Yeah, Haz… that’s all your lazy self has to ADD! I really don’t have the heart to explain to her that the pile of sugar and additives she’s about to mix the eggs into isn’t exactly “diet-friendly”. That and I don’t want her to think she shouldn’t eat cupcakes! Have your cupcakes and eat them too! …is what I always say.

But the situation just gets more hilarious as more people ask her about her cupcakes and she, in turn, convinces herself that these delicious things are actually a health food.

[Marc enters the kitchen.]

– Hazel, what are you doing there?

– I’m making cupcakes! Healthy ones! They only have eggs, milk and margarine!

Oh man. YES.

And then there’s Craig. He is just an odd kid. An odd kid who I have to ground from the computer before 8am because he’s cursing at me and his sister and just being 84% jerkface. Here’s a conversation I had with him the other day after he got something in his mouth:

– plllpllll [spitting] I have something in my mouth!

– What is it?

– I don’t know… something fluffy.

– What is it?

– Think it’s rabies. [totally serious.]

– You think you got rabies in your mouth??

– Yeah. [walks off.]

– Yeah… probably rabies.

[I kid you not… “RABIES”… I just let it slide… not gonna correct him… remember… 84% jerkface.]