i couldn’t help.

I find this time spent with just my father to be precious, priceless.

So many conversations about life, love… amazing… priceless.

I think I even cried last night… at the bar… my father talking about his life, his love…

“All I wanted to be was a father.  I remember when I was young, screaming at my mom, telling her, ‘I’m going to be a damn good father!’  But then I gave up on it all… I gave up on love and banked on forgetting about wanting a family.  Then I met your mother and I couldn’t help but fall in love with her.  I didn’t even want to fall in love with her… but your mother, she lights up a room… and I couldn’t deny that.”

I cried.

All my father wanted was a family?  Me?  He wanted me and my siblings?  Us?  Wow.  And the love he has for my mother?  Undeniable?  Well, hell.  That’s powerful.  Unbelievable.

I thought about it all day.  Sat here, at my computer, listening to my father speaking again… took a picture of myself.  Looked at myself… my goodness, I look older.  I look changed.  I’m not as pretty as I once was, as skinny as I once was, as lively as I once was, even as happy as I have been… but my goodness, I have grown.

torn, sewn, grown.
torn, sewn, grown.

Torn apart.  Sewn together by words of hearts that wanted me, craved me, and a belief in a love that may not even be wanted, but has a pure power that is undeniable.

2 thoughts on “i couldn’t help.”

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