and if you ask r. kelly…

Woke up to this text…

“If you get a spare minute today, wanna give me a little advice?”

I love it.  I think that’s a tell-tale sign of a successful relationship… This guy and I used to date, things didn’t work out, now we’re good, advice-givin’ friends.  Success!  So, I call him…

We small talk… Then…

– So… You need advice?

– Yeah.

– Is this about a lady?

– Of course… What other advice would I ask you for?

– True… I don’t really know much about anything else.

– Yeah, but you are a lady… So you got that going for ya.

And I gave him the best advice I could… Which included this line…

– Okay, I’m gonna tell you something that us women don’t admit to ourselves and never say out loud… If you lay off a bit, don’t call, go about your normal life and act like the whole thing is “take-it-or-leave-it” to you, she’ll probably like you more.  Girls are weird… We like a little bit of an asshole… But after that works, that has to be the extent of your assholeness.  Please.

And that got me to thinking… About all the random advice I’ve given, been given, seen given lately…

– Don’t expect to get asked out on a date here in Jackson… If a guy buys you a beer at the Wort, consider that high-class woo-ing.

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– If you don’t have a good meeting story, it probably won’t work.  Cuz you’re a story person, so if you can’t tell a good story for the rest of your life, it won’t work.

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– You probably won’t get over him until you start dating someone else.

– I think I’d want to get over him before I start dating someone else… Isn’t that how it should go?

– Well yeah, ideally, but when does that ever happen?

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– I blame my parents for my failed love life… They’re so awesome… How am I supposed to live up to that?

– Seriously!  Mine too!  Well… Just remember that you’ve seen that love and you can’t settle.

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– Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little kissin’… And if you ask R. Kelly, ain’t nothin’ wrong with a whole lot more…

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I know three [that I can think of] lovely couples who celebrate their anniversary on Halloween… So, all you lonely-hearts-clubbers out there, get excited… cuz…

…then you can come to me for advice.

Everyone enjoy your Hollerween!

[feel free to throw in your two cents of advice for anyone, anything.  LOVE.]