Leaving my sister’s… again.
Getting out of town, getting out of Visalia, a coffee shop caught my eye.
It’s this coffee shop I regulared when my sister was going through her divorce and I was staying with her, helping her with Emerson… her daughter… two at the time… four now.
I sat out on this patio trying to figure out what the hell I was doing.
I’m sitting here again. Decided to take another picture, in the same place… to see how I have changed… things have changed.
I tried to capture the same photo… the same feeling. I’m closer now. I’m more here. But things are still so the same.
I am jobless again… not still… but again.
Family… FAMILY… just like then.
Yosemite is on my mind still.
I am in love again… not still… but again.
I still find joy inside myself.
I still find darkness inside myself.
Love is still a strength that baffles me.
Family is still a beautiful mess played by the most hilarious/amazing characters.
An exerpt from an email from my father:
“By the time I pulled into traffic, it was all over, I had to put on my sunglasses so the sun did not see my tears.”
…in reference to his love for this beautiful mess.
We’re all still just making it and making everything of it.
I have come full circle many times in life: rose to the top to have my chest swell above the world I know, slid to the bottom of days of darkness and praying for sleep… and everything between. But what will always be the same, no matter where on that constant circling of life, is where I came from.
Thanks for the great time hanging out, Sarah and Daddy.
Okay, now, it is time to leave again.
1 thought on “the sun did not see my tears.”
[…] Once I wrote about being in the same place… taking the same picture: https://rachellaurenmarie.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/the-sun-did-not-see-my-tears/ […]