something horrible happened in the bathroom…

I feel like I could write a novel about my trip to Las Vegas this past weekend.

My friends Emma and Trask got married.  WHOA.

They decided about a week before Saturday that they wanted to get married and do it in Vegas.  Originally, they wanted to get married in Vegas because there would be a crew of us down at Red Rocks to do some climbing over Thanksgiving… then we’d all rally over to Bright Light City and celebrate the love of Emma, Trask, and Balou [their baby girl] and then dance off into the night…

Wyoming’s weather had different plans.  It snowed like it was mad and every road out of Teton Valley closed… for three days.  There was no way we were getting out.  But we had to get to the wedding…

So, we decided Thanksgiving in Red Rocks was out of the question… but flying to Vegas for the weekend was not.  Our group became significantly smaller because of people who had to work and small budgets, but I was lucky enough to pair up with my amazing friend, Anna, to serve as bridesmaids/wedding planners/dancers for the wedding and just a general celebration of Trask and Emma.

Emma, Trask, Balou, Anna and myself.  Driving to Idaho Falls to catch a plane and make it happen… the Vegas wedding.

At the airport, Thanksgiving 2010 tried to foil us over and over.  But despite a lost wallet [not me], lost phone [not me], thrown away boarding pass and then digging in the trash [okay, that might’ve been me], we got on the plane and got there!

Saturday [the day of the wedding] was a whirlwind.

Anna and I ran around Vegas like chicken bridesmaids with our heads cut off.  We had a checklist of things we wanted to get Emma for the big day that weren’t the easiest things to find…

Like a dairy-free chocolate wedding cake for a climbing bum’s budget.  But with our craftiness and the help of the baker lady at Whole Food’s, we were able to concoct a vegan chocolate layer cake out of a small sheet cake and a glorified cupcake.

Now, a cake topper… we need a bride and groom to go on the top.

Well, see, this is way harder to find than you would imagine in Vegas.  After searching about four stores, we almost just bought some ninja figurines to put on top of that cake.  As much as we know Emma and Trask would’ve appreciated ninjas, we tried one more store… called “99¢ Only”.  They had [for only 99¢!] the creepiest wedding topper ever.  A some-kind-of-ceramic, ginger bride and  groom with almost Tim Burtonesque faces standing under the trellis of flowers was now the huge wedding topper we would put on the tiny cake.  Awesome.

With all that done, we thought getting in a few pitches of climbing was totally understandable.  So, Anna and I drove up to Red Rocks and got our crag on.

With wedding on the brain, we talked about it with almost no pause.  Apparently we talked about it enough to convince the climbers around us that WE were getting married… Anna and me… TO EACH OTHER.

– No, no, no, no… We’re IN a wedding… Our friend’s wedding… yeah… no… we’re not a couple…

– Ohhhh… I’m so sorry.  I just assumed… sorry.  You girls would make a good couple, though.

– Thank you?

And then Anna and I spent a good half hour trying to figure out who would be the masuline and feminine in our lesbian relationship.

Done climbing!  We have to find something old, new and borrowed for Emma!  [we didn’t have to find her something blue because she has Balou… close enough.]

We went to Buffalo Exchange and found her the most amazing “get-away” dress for her “something old”.  It was a short, cute, white little number… strapless with the most amazing cut… like a cup-cake party dress… does that make sense?  It does in my head.

Anywho, then it was back to the hotel and craziness ensues.

Everybody’s running around like mad, trying to get ready.  Emma’s parents are there, we haven’t even said hi to each other yet!  Showers are being had, make-up, dress trying on, etc. etc.

Emma tried on her dress that she bought at Target for her wedding, but after seeing her “something old” and trying it on, the consensus was that she looked AH-MAZING and wore the Buffalo Exchange $14 dress bought for her just an hour ago.  It was a Vegas Wedding Miracle.

We had to grab the cake, catch the limo, get to the chapel, get all situated, do this thing.  We were running late… but not as late as the limo.

After standing in front of the hotel, waiting for a good five minutes, Emma calls the limo driver and he tells us he’s running another 15 minutes late.  Emma, being the most amazing/calm/hilarious bride, says…

– Well, let’s go inside and I’ll do my hair in the casino bathroom.

While doing her hair, Emma was bombarded by the most excited drunk women from New Jersey.  After a good ten minutes of thanking them for their enthusiasm but telling them they still weren’t invited to the wedding, Emma got a call from the limo driver and soon enough we were on our way!

Pulling up, I noticed a character if I’ve ever seen one…

– Is that lady wearing huge sunglasses at night?

Yep.  And inside.  This was Pat… the Chapel Director… or something… she was in charge.

Pat was incredible.  She was the epitome of old, sassy, crazy lady.  She was obsessed with Balou, wanted to hold her constantly.  She’d walk around the chapel with her old lady limp and yell…

– Anyone else around here work here?!

She saw the cake we brought in and then lectured us that cake is not allowed… that would be a part of the “reception” package and we haven’t paid for that.

– Oh, okay… We’re so sorry.

– Well, ya know… If you give someone a piece of it later, I’m sure they could let you put in in the chapel.

Ha.  We think she was bipolar.

So, there we were, in the Bride’s Room… getting the rest of the bit ready.  Emma runs to the bathroom and comes back and says…

– Something horrible happened in the bathroom.

[everyone truly worried] – Are you okay?  – What happened?  – Was there someone else in there?

– Someone dropped the toilet paper basket, so now the toilet is filled with toilet paper rolls and a basket.

All of us pause and then Anna says…

– Was that someone you?

– Yes.

Ha.  It doesn’t matter.  Emma doesn’t have time for that, it’s time to get moving towards the ceremony.  I go into the bathroom to take care of the debacle.

I’ve got the paper towels that I’m using as gloves to pull out the massive amount of toilet paper out of the toilet, laughing at myself already when I hear Pat’s crotchety old voice yell…


I start laughing SO hard because I just know that she was trying to carry the cake and the top fell off.

I run to the chapel and sure enough, there’s the wedding topper… in pieces… but not too many.  All we lost was the trellis and the bride’s head.  No big deal, right?

Pat is livid that we didn’t tell her that “the top wasn’t attached”, but Anna and I are too busy trying to use frosting to glue the bride’s head back on.  After calming ourselves down from laughing tears, we were able to put the head back on.  Success!

The ceremony was perfect/gorgeous/hilarious/lovely.

Balou was so excited and baby talked so loud through the first part, making everyone laugh.

Emma forgot her line because, “Sorry.  I was lost in his eyes.”  [amazing.]

Trask looked like he was the happiest man in the whole world.

Their kiss was the sweetest.

We all cried.  Everyone except Balou.  It was perfect.

They cut the cake… Emma served hers to Trask on the knife.  Badass.  Awesome.

It was so simple, it was hilarious, it was fun, it was beautiful, it was LOVE.

It was a gorgeous thing.

It was perfect.

congrats, emma and trask! i love you guys!

3 thoughts on “something horrible happened in the bathroom…”

  1. that sounds like a story from! And that dress: Kickin’ (with extra apostrophes, but invisible)

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