I loved it all.

There’s this friend I have who is awesomely blunt. He keeps me in check and doesn’t let me whine and doesn’t tolerate when I fish for compliments.

Lately, I’ve been very complain-y. I’m in three classes in grad school, working full-time, and trying to contribute to life and love as much as the rest of them and it’s just so hard! [see? this is me complaining.]

About a month ago, whilst complaining, aforementioned friend looked at me and said…

– I feel like I just read an article about how you’re glad to be alive.


I am. I am. I am. Is this me telling myself to be more thankful? Maybe.

Even today, in an email, I wrote to a friend…

and wow, ugh, yes, I too, I am always oscillating. sometimes within hours, hardcore.
why the f–k am I going to school? why am I sitting at a desk all day? why did I think I could do something with my life? for this world? 
and then hopefully followed by inspiration and encouragement.
but sometimes it takes a while.

How quickly my lust for life grows cold.

And then, tonight, I found this website: The Battle We Didn’t Choose.

The Battle We Didn't Choose _ wull hay

You must read the Valentine’s blog entry.

The last paragraph:

Before going to sleep Jen and I used to ask each other what the best and worst part of the day was, choosing to tell the best part last so we could fall asleep happy. The night we came home from the hospital after being told that Jennifer’s liver was failing and she didn’t have long to live, I asked Jen to tell me what she loved most about the day, which we had spent with family and a few close friends. Jennifer thought for a moment then looked through my eyes and into my soul. She said, “I loved it all.”

I just began weeping at that last line. I’m crying again.

There’s almost nothing I can find to express how this site has affected me. I’m embarrassed by my soul and encouraged by the power of grateful love.

[and some songs.]

[i loved it all.]

4 thoughts on “I loved it all.”

  1. When people ask me, “Do you ever get tired of your job & all the jerks you deal with?” My standard reply is, “No, i’m one of the lucky ones, i have a job, there are many people that wish they were me”. Its the workingmans mantra.

  2. What a beautiful, heart-wrenching photo journey through his wife’s illness. I just wept uncontrollably for at least five minutes straight.

  3. I also remember adding that Y La Bamba album to the new music rack at KHOL. Thanks for reminding me how delightfully haunting her vocals are.

  4. colleen: I know, right? so much loveliness in heart-breaking tragedy. and that song! “this is our love…” amazing. xxo.

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