it’s supposed to.

have you seen Frances Ha?

oh, you really must.
like, really.

you know when you feel like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be?
I feel like that every time I’m one glass of wine in, watching a film at the Wilma.

the boy who passed close on his bike and said

– hey, I like your bike.

that was supposed to happen.

with one glass of wine in at the Wilma, that was definitely supposed to happen.

seeing this film. this film that is so obviously about me, speaking to me.
I’m supposed to be here.
this is exactly where I need to be.

after one glass of wine at the Wilma,
I suddenly just love my hair the way it is right now.
of course OF COURSE I’m skinny enough.
holy hell, I’m not too shabby.
after one glass of wine at the Wilma,
watching this film I’m supposed to be watching.
of course I’m supposed to be here.
of course everything is perfect.

and of course OF COURSE the film stops. breaks.
it broke once before when I was watching a film by myself.
and I knew I KNEW it would happen again.
I got up quickly, said to the small theatre

– I’ll go tell them.

of course they all chuckled with endearment.
after one glass of wine at the Wilma,
I’m adorable.

– hi. yes. the film in there stopped, but first I’d like another glass of wine.

after a glass and a half of wine at the Wilma, everything is the most sentimental.
everything is the saddest.

every character in every film breaks after a glass and a half of wine at the Wilma.
everyone gives up.
everyone goes numb.
everyone in every film moves to Australia to give up after a glass and a half of wine at the Wilma.

and it’s just too much.
I hate it all.
I cry soft tears, take long sips.

everything everywhere is broken after a glass and a half of wine at the Wilma.

after two glasses of wine at the Wilma, the world is so large.
filled with beauty, love.
filled with darkness, greatness.
filled with clumsy sadness.

things are still happening.
for a reason?
no! stop saying that.
maybe.

after two glasses of wine at the Wilma, things are definitely still happening.
but not enough.
enough things aren’t happening.

for now, we’ll see where three glasses of wine takes us. me.
after the Wilma.

it’s somehow still light out.
fading fast.
it’s breezy out there, it looks.
those swaying branches, trodden with leaves, are doing all they can, moving with strategy, to try and hold on to this sunlight, keep it here.
keep the sunlight here, branches.
for just forever.

I’m supposed to be this tan. I’m supposed to wear these jean shorts every damn day.
this sentiment for the simple, trivial in life…
this light…
it’s supposed to be here!
keep it here just a little longer and I’ll figure it all out.
yes and yes.
and it’s gone.

have you seen Frances Ha?
oh, you really must.