the stand-off.

I’m housesitting.

Okay we’re housesitting.  [i hate being a “we”er… but it’s definitely appropriate since evan does much more of the work out at this gig.]

This amazing West Bank house has horses, a cat and a terrifying parrot.  Yes.  Terrifying.  She’s an African Grey and she is a bitch.

I’m not being harsh.  Okay, maybe I’m being a little horrible.

But, since I do not like horses, Evan agreed to take care of them if I took care of the parrot.  I was very excited about this proposition.  Because birds are cool!  They talk, they sit on your shoulder, they show off, they stay inside and watch 30 Rock with you.

But I had yet to learn about this parrot… who, p.s., is named “Duck”.

The other morning I had a real stand-off with Duck.

I called Evan…

– Hey, I don’t think Duck likes me… but I need to put her back in her cage.

– Just put your fingers in front of her like you mean it and she’ll stand on them.

– Okay, here I go… I’m gonna do it…

Then I would go in and the thing would take a swipe at my fingers, trying to bite them…

– Nope!  Nope… not gonna happen… I can’t do this.  I can’t do this, Ev.

– You got this.  But, hey, I gotta go.

So, I sat across the room on the couch, arms crossed, telling the parrot that she didn’t own me… I owned her.  [and the like, all shit-talking.]

Finally, [after about two hours] I became brave enough.  I was gonna do it.  I went up to her, put my fingers up to her feet like I meant it…

She bit me.

I didn’t flinch.

– No, Duck!  Get on here.

She bit me again… HARD.  She drew blood!

I freaked out and ran away.

She won.  She totally won.  She stayed out of her cage all day.

But I heckled her as much as a sore loser could do.

Today, Evan helped us become friends enough…

 

but we're still not really sure about each other.

[p.s. check that shirt… it’s an abbie miller original… thank you, ev!]

I would like Duck more if she danced like this…

Well, that and if she didn’t bite me and terrify me.