Okay we’re housesitting. [i hate being a “we”er… but it’s definitely appropriate since evan does much more of the work out at this gig.]
This amazing West Bank house has horses, a cat and a terrifying parrot. Yes. Terrifying. She’s an African Grey and she is a bitch.
I’m not being harsh. Okay, maybe I’m being a little horrible.
But, since I do not like horses, Evan agreed to take care of them if I took care of the parrot. I was very excited about this proposition. Because birds are cool! They talk, they sit on your shoulder, they show off, they stay inside and watch 30 Rock with you.
But I had yet to learn about this parrot… who, p.s., is named “Duck”.
The other morning I had a real stand-off with Duck.
I called Evan…
– Hey, I don’t think Duck likes me… but I need to put her back in her cage.
– Just put your fingers in front of her like you mean it and she’ll stand on them.
– Okay, here I go… I’m gonna do it…
Then I would go in and the thing would take a swipe at my fingers, trying to bite them…
– Nope! Nope… not gonna happen… I can’t do this. I can’t do this, Ev.
– You got this. But, hey, I gotta go.
So, I sat across the room on the couch, arms crossed, telling the parrot that she didn’t own me… I owned her. [and the like, all shit-talking.]
Finally, [after about two hours] I became brave enough. I was gonna do it. I went up to her, put my fingers up to her feet like I meant it…
She bit me.
I didn’t flinch.
– No, Duck! Get on here.
She bit me again… HARD. She drew blood!
I freaked out and ran away.
She won. She totally won. She stayed out of her cage all day.
But I heckled her as much as a sore loser could do.
Today, Evan helped us become friends enough…
[p.s. check that shirt… it’s an abbie miller original… thank you, ev!]
I would like Duck more if she danced like this…
Well, that and if she didn’t bite me and terrify me.